btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
