How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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