She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
