there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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