tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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