apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
