I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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