So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
