Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
