thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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