Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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