i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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