Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
