I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.