so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
