he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
