Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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