She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
