So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
