I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize