...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
