now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
