Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
