i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just pee around me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
