So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
