how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
