Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
