obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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