You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
