dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
