My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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