At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
