Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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