u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
