my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize