I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
