no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
