Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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