This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
