You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
