He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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