Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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