I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
