I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
