Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
