As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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