And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
