I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
