She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
