They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
