I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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