so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
