Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she told me i tasted like america
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
