Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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