How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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