dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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