you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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