Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
