New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
