also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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