sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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