I love black thongs
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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