Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
