i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
