Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
