I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
