Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
